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Things are pretty steady along. I’ve been finding myself thinking more about my physical health, and what I want to see in myself. In the past, I had exercise goals of cycle x km or lift x kg. Chasing numbers that in hindsight have very little meaning to me. I remember the few times that I attempted to consistently weight train, I had my training journal, had my sets and reps and kgs all written out. Well this is a first in a long time where I’m writing this without prompt from anxious thoughts. Pretty nice, rocking out to some music, clacking away at the keys. I’ve started taking a few minutes here and there to get back to meditation, getting back to the skills of noting my thoughts and not trying to rationalise/fight with them. Sometimes letting them do their thing is the way to go it seems. Another while, another long pause between posts. I still seem to return to this whenever something begins to go “bad” or feel off. I’ve been having some increase in anxiousness, the familiar jolts of electricity though my heart. I’ve become more jumpy and hypervigilant again.
In the past when faced with these feelings of anxiety I would sit down and run through a list of things I was thinking of recently until I received those pangs of adrenaline, that skipped heart beat. “If you would only learn to compliment Dionysus, you wouldn’t have to live on lentils”
Aristippus to Diogenes of Sinope when he saw him cooking lentils for a meal.
“But if you would only learn to live on lentils, you wouldn’t have to flatter Dionysus.”
Diogenes of Sinope
Today I am quite proud of myself. This is a silly thing to most, but I’ve resisted the incredible urge I felt to buy a smartwatch. “He has the most, he who is content with the least.”
Diogenes of Sinope
Once more I’ve been neglecting reflecting on myself. It’s easy to do when things are going well, and then to somewhat panic and look for the “emergency philosophy” button when things start to unravel a bit. I find myself being better at incorporating some stoicism in my life now. I’m still struggling with existentialism, but funnily enough stoicism is also helping in that regard.