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I’ve fallen off the wagon again, or however that saying goes. Things have been deteriorating. Self motivation is basically non existant, the only thing I’m really managing to stay consistent with is making my bed. I’ve once again got low energy, apathy. I don’t feel good or satisfied with doing things. One thing I’ve noticed for sure is that I’ve picked up on this much sooner than I would have previously. New year, new me and all that. I haven’t really made new year resolutions in the past, I think waiting for the start of the year to change something about your situation is the same as saying you’ll do it later. Unless it really is the best time for change due to circumstances.
The christmas break was a really great time. I saw beautiful things, spent time with excellent people and tried foods I can still taste in my dreams. I’ve been returning back to the presocratic schools and enjoying their metaphysical exploration for the nature of the universe. They resonate with my love of fiction and fantasy, the ubiquitous inclusion of the 4 elements in almost all fantasy involving magic, the themes of love and strife in almost all stories.
Fate and destiny, lofty words that can be used as a reason or as an excuse for events. In stories, it is the hero’s destiny to rise above evil, it is the villain’s fate to perish and fail. I’m sitting on a train, flying by incredibly flat fields and windmills, listening to the latest in news and the world through podcasts. I’m averaging 2-3hrs of podcasts per day, from news to science to fiction, there is no way that I can take in that amount of information per day on top of my work. So why do I do it? I think it has become my new white noise system. Things are pretty steady along. I’ve been finding myself thinking more about my physical health, and what I want to see in myself. In the past, I had exercise goals of cycle x km or lift x kg. Chasing numbers that in hindsight have very little meaning to me. I remember the few times that I attempted to consistently weight train, I had my training journal, had my sets and reps and kgs all written out.